A lot of intelligence work is carried out by unsung heroes who quietly collate, analyse and disseminate, working in organisations such as the MOD’s Defence Intelligence Staff. During much of the last century the UK’s airspace was routinely intruded upon by Russian aircraft (no doubt we did the same to Russia). So it made a great deal of sense to log UFO reports and contextualise them in order to ascertain if the objects sighted were of defence significance. No matter how barmy. Or not entirely barmy: Many people spotting stealth planes, prior to them being made public (which sometimes takes years, and the prototypes may never be declassified), would, given the cultural collateral of ‘unidentified’ flying objects, view them as little green (or grey) men operating some kind of intergalactic free prostate checking clinic. Likewise a Harrier Jump Jet showing off, at night, viewed from 5km away. Or a missile test. Or atmospheric research that also provides handy surveillance platforms. Taxes at work.

So having a civil servant take reports between more important tasks makes sense. If a pattern emerges of some potentially unknown novel foreign aircraft regularly violating national airspace it is a major concern. The files were not secret, it’s more likely the reason some of the documents weren’t released sooner was a combination of laziness and stinginess. There are interesting bits buried in there, but if I can spot them, despite having the invisible Jolly Green Giant knee me in the back, I’ll be fucked if I’ll point them out. Do not ask me to point them out. I won’t point them out to anyone on principle.

FYI I think alien life exists and possibly super advanced aliens also (I was going to say super intelligent but then it dawned on me that intelligence is a very human concept). It’s just that the distances involved are huge and beings clever enough to travel faster than light (if it’s even possible), or some kind of time-travel (if it’s even possible), will likely have cleverer ways of studying intergalactic flora and fauna. In the event of time travel the computing possibilities are endless.

Click here to listen to Jon Ronson’s Radio 4 programme with Robbie Williams. It’s kind of a melancholy programme. One of the reasons I think Jon Ronson is so special is he lets subjects speak for themselves, unadorned. and respects his audience enough to let them make up their own minds. I agree with Brandon.

D and C are taken to their table and seated.  D orders cream tea for two.  As the waitress walks away, D gets straight to the point, aggressively, “what’s the problem this time? ”.  Signification Members came to expect this.  Signification is the second youngest House. Its roots were in the late 18th Century, which often caused controversy among Members.   Signification’s lack of experience led to mistakes, and Members of the older Houses, such as D, had a certain prejudice towards Members of younger Houses.  C sniggered, “we have a Candidate, someone is talking and”, C paused for dramatic effect, “they’re on the internet”.  A commonplace problem.  D’s lip curled, he resented being awake at lunch, for something so mundane, “so deal with it.   It’s dull. I don’t see why you had to involve the other Houses”.

“D, look, I’m sorry for getting you up,  I wouldn’t do it without reason.   We believe the Candidate is a descendent of one of the Three”.   D nodded, “go on”.  “We think he, like the great Presbyter, is a descendent of the Persian Magi, as confirmed by his DNA profile -  it is thought they may be the result of our John’s flight to Albion in the 16th Century.”  Among Members, the triumph of the great Presbyter, is that of legend, because it is rumoured,  although nobody knows for sure, the Presbyter was responsible for the present form of the Houses. Some time in the 16th Century the Grand House was divided into magisteria, supported by Elizabeth, the first female Member, for The Golden Age – this is known - but exactly which Member was responsible for the reforms is lost to time, and an inadequate filing system.

Bigfoot did 9-11.