That

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Head midi keyboard bad back (titchy MAudio Oxygen 8 ) techno interaction in mp3 format.  Used a mouse for soft-synths/appegiators, drumline (drum midi track + a panning break), a dual delay on a wah wah loop (randomly adjusting the timing on the second with keyboard dial), and quantization for the headbutt input (looped and shuffled):

Headbutting a keyboard (fuck my back) pt 1 by jpt.

It could be awful.   It is, after all, essentially headbutting a keyboard with a drumline, and some mixing.   I don’t feel so bad uploading it with disclaimers. Plus the painkillers are kicking in.

Music

Pete Dello and John Maus and Pontiak and D’Cruze.

Music

Porno For Pyros and Times New Viking and Earth Leakage Trip and Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti.

Music

Trans Am and Menomena and MA2 and Bobby Conn.

Music

Acen and St Vincent and The Octopus Project and Handsome Furs.

Music

The News Pornographers and Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti and Julian Cope and  Run Tings.

Music

Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band and Pivot and David Bowie and SFA and St Vincent.

Music

Wild Beasts and Half Cousin and Manic Street Preachers and Sound Corp.

Music

Pete, Bjorn & John and Ariel Pink and Lou Reed and Convert.

Music

Fiery Furnaces and The Thermals and Deerhoof and Jay Reatard and Wax Doctor.

Music

Bobby Conn and Future of The Left and Eminem and Amanda Palmer.

Music

Tokyo Police Club and Acen and Pontiak and Modest Mouse.

Music

U2 and Cocknbullkid and Fucked Up and Holy Fuck.

Music

The Octopus Project and Hackney Hardcore and The Fiery Furnaces and The Kills.

Music

One Tribe and Crystal Castles and Roll Deep and Oxford Collapse.

Music

Times New Viking and Field Music and Testicular Manslaughter and Les Claypool.

Music

Love is All and Elbow and Lily Allen and BDDDB and The Thermals.

Music

Girl Talk and Jesus Jones (top-right) and Fiery Furnaces and The Grates.

Music

Future of The Left (2) and Matt Berry and Happy Mondays and Jape.

Music

Green Day and The New Pornographers and Krome & Time and Zach Hill.

Music

Amanda Palmer and QOTSA and Mercury Rev and Scissors for Lefty and Architecture in Helsinki

Music

Excepter and Jay Reatard and Walters & Allen and The Sea & Cake and The Cribs.

Music

Marnie Stern and Rage Against The Machine and Jay Reatard and DJ Hype and Comus and Dirty Pretty Things.

Music

Future of the Left (sic) and Matmos and TV on The Radio and Lovvers and Of Montreal.

Music

Matt and Kim and The New Pornographers and Flobots and Max Tundra.

Music

Fiery Furnaces and Jarvis Cocker and Bobby Conn and William Shatner.

Music

QOTSA and Eugene McGuinness and Sound of The Future and Noah & The Whale.

Music

MClusky and Animal Collective and Oasis and Army Of Lovers and 31Knots and Amanda Palmer.

Music

They Shoot Horses Don’t They? and Bluejuice (now in stereo) and Times New Viking and The New Pornographers and Omni Trio and The Divine Comedy.

Music

31Knots and Wild Beasts (IMHO the new mix isn’t as good) and the Fiery Furnaces and Messiah.

No comment.

Music

Late of The Pier and Signs of Chaos and The M’s and The Cooper Temple Clause.

Music

The Prodigy and John Maus and Mercury Rev and Oxford Collapse.

Music

Modest Mouse and The Breeders and Bloodhound Gang and Phuture Assassins and Mercury Rev.

Music

Gentleman Auction House* and Mr Bungle** and Archie Bronson Outfit and Sonz Of A Loop Da Loop Era.

* I dedicate this link to Boris Johnson for telling the truth about ‘Broken Britain’, and therefore pissing off David Cameron.  Well done that troll.
** Mike Patton is one of the few people that possess the vocal talent to pull this off. IMHO he is to singing what Michael Phelps is to swimming; a freak of nature.

Music

Songs From The Living Room and The Stones Roses and She & Him and Mr Bungle.

Music

Black Grape and Of Montreal and Popular Tyre and Bobby Conn & The Glass Gypsies and The Brothers Grimm.

The Tape of Love.

Music

The Dresden Dolls and Billy Joel and Big Audio Dynamite and Tokyo Police Club and Renegade Soundwave.

The situation in Georgia is a nightmare. I haven’t kept up with the region for a long time but here’s what I recall, which may not be entirely correct (this is aided by some notes I took): South Ossetia was originally colonised by Ossetians from across the caucus in the 17th/18th Century. The Imperialist Russians first invaded Georgia in 1801 but didn’t really conquer it until 1864. Because of fights with the Turks. With all of the stuff that went down in 1918 Georgia briefly achieved independence until 1921 when the Bolsheviks regained control. They made Abkhazia and Adjaria autonomous republics. South Ossetia was an oblast – which is different.

In 1988 the Ossetian Popular Front got annoyed that the Georgian Government intended Georgian to be the only official language. Some may say rightly, given about a third of Georgia is not ethnic Georgian, and multiple languages were in use. The OPF wanted South Ossetia to merge with the distinctly Russian North Ossetia, and in 1989~1990 declared an independent Soviet Republic. At which point the Georgian government stripped South Ossetia of its autonomy. The shit hit the fan – by which I mean violence – the Russians sent in troops and thanks to Yeltsin and Shevardnadze in 1992 both sides established peacekeeping forces.

Georgia is important to the West disproportionately to its size. Why? Central Asia. Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, Caspian Sea, and Turkmenistan have vast oil, gas, and mineral resources. Without a long detour, or reliance on Russia, Georgia is an extremely important strategic point. Georgia cannot win against Russia. The attack on South Ossetia was like kicking a bear up the arse. Why they did it is difficult to fathom. I don’t see that it serves anyone’s purposes. Both Russia and the US/UK have hundreds of ‘military trainers’ (often drawn from elite units – who train/advise/arm), there is a huge vested interest in having Georgia in NATO (incedently you can’t join NATO if your country has outstanding border disputes), and as a result this could be the first Cold War style proxy war of the 21st Century.

Both sides are right, both sides have legitimate claims on South Ossetia, and as a result, nothing good can come of this. A good compromise leaves both sides unhappy, and that isn’t going to happen. It’s like a flashback to the early 20th Century. Not good. One hopes world leaders are sane, but evidence suggests otherwise. Hopefully it won’t spread.

FFS x 10.

Music

The Mountain Goats and Vampire Weekend (a0d!) and The Rhythm Masters and Field Music and The Octopus Project.

Music

Future of the Left and Bug Kann & The Plastic Jam and Fiery Furnaces and Ariel Pink.

Music

Bloodhound Gang and Clinic and Code 071 and Wild Beasts.

Music

Longpigs and Animal Collective and Momus and Baby Ford.

Music

Ginderman and Autechre and Peter, Bjorn & John and Envelopes.

Music

Brakes and The Grates and the Bonzo Dog Band and Blame.

Music

They Shoot Horses Don’t They?* and The Breeders and Future of The Left and Nu-Matic.

* Sometimes I justify repeating songs by saying things like “well, it’s good”, and post “fmt=18″ it’s available in stereo.

Music

If any of these don’t play click watch in standard quality. Kasabian and Leftfield and King Crimson and Hutch & Kathy.

Music

Shy Child and The New Pornographers and New Decade and The Tragically Hip.

Music

Cage the Elephant and Industrial Espionage and The Young Knives and David Bowie.

Music

Gomez and The Gutter Twins and Green Jello and Cedric Winkleburger.

Music

Dan Deacon and Flight of the Conchords and Wiley and Nirvana.

Music

Matmos and New Order and Earlimart and Vampire Weekend, and The Scientist.

Music

Talk Talk and Out of Order and Mika Miko and Raconteurs.

Music

The Helio Sequence and The Dresden Dolls and Snowman and The Ecstacy Club.

Music

Nu-Matic and These New Puritans and Melvins and The Chemical Brothers.

Music

Modest Mouse and Holy Fuck and Lou Reed and Reel 2 Reel.

Music

Fiery Furnaces and The Ting Tings and Wild Beasts and Interperse.

Music

Dirty Pretty Things and Bobby Conn and Cajun Dance Party and Adult and Run Tings.

Music

Kahimi Karie and Lemon D and Dufus and SL2 and Fluke.

Music

Daniel Johnston and The Whip and Arcade Fire and Nino.

Music

The Victoria Lucas and Primus and Tenacious D and Clinic.

Music

The Romanian Empire and The Prodigy and MGF and The Rise

Music

Menomena and Rolling Stones and Jon Spencer Blues Explosion and Bloodhound Gang.

Music

John Maus and Fiery Furnaces and Acen and Adam Green.

Let’s shoot the shit Internet public. If it’s the case that:

  • The behaviour of children is mostly influenced by their upbringing – which, for most people, is provided by their parents.
  • Said parents were children in the past.

It seems very strange to call for a return to the past in order to deal with moral panics bad behaviour among young people.  Maybe I’m saying is way out there illogical because you rarely hear it used as a defense against fucked up rose-tinted diversionary over-simplistic actively harmful nostalgia “things were better in the past”.  The good old days.

Cause there is no moral vacuum, people are generally less fucked up than the past (less: racism, wife-beating, children-beating, abject poverty, bad health, ignorance, and a lot of other negative shit, man),  and people that tell you otherwise should be birched.   The future, upcoming recession aside, is bright and I’m pretty optimistic.  Optimistic is not equal to complacent.

Just for the record Brown talks a great deal of bollocks too.

Music

School of Language and The Pyramids and Break The Limits and Ry Cooder.

All sensible predictions about the internet are right – but they’re a decade or more out. They’re a decade out because they’re mostly dependent on people using the Internet and capable of using a search engine. There will be (roughly) linear growth per year of school leavers in Western Countries where Internet connections are becoming ubiquitous among the middle classes. It will become a primary source of media, entertainment, and news, for many people. Sites that cater to the youth market will experience the most rapid growth and have the best advertising potential. Second to that will be news followed by everything else. The old media will lose print readers/viewers proportionally. When those less adept at the Internet become a minority there will be as much money in online things like blogs as there is in the traditional media. Because audience numbers of popular sites will justify big money advertising. There will be another dot-com boom when the Internet reaches saturation point among adults – maybe in a decade. Old-media will go the same route as radio did when televisions reached saturation point. Adapt. Popular sites of today may end up as institutional as newspapers if they’re around for the duration of the shift to the tubes.

Music

Love in October and Neil Innes and Combichrist and The Scaramanga Six and Bloodhound Gang and Manic Street Preachers.

Music

Of Montreal and The Dresden Dolls and Manic Street Preachers and Aphex Twin.

The Dresden Dolls and Enter Shikari and Fall Out Boy and Panic! at The Disco.

For the background to this insane abberation click here.  In a nutshell emos are upset because the Daily Mail associated My Chemical Romance with suicide.  Heh.

As an experiment try listening to the songs above without the videos – open them in a new tab or something – two of them are OK.  One of them is the Dresden Dolls.

Music

Rammstein and The Mountain Goats and Noisia and Thao and The Get Down Stay Down.

Music

QOTSA and Atomic Bitch and Absentee and Bluetones and Mercury Rev.

Music

School of Language and Noise Overload and The Cribs and Part Chimp.

Music

Bluejuice and NWA and Best Fwends and The Cloud Room.

Music

Trouble and Wild Beasts and Little Matt and Dark Deas and Supreme Love Gods.

Music

The Bastard Fairies and Cake and Citay and Hardfloor.

Music

BARR and London Posse and Tapes ‘n Tapes and The Mountain Goats and Benjy Ferree.

Music

Animal Collective and Ugly Cassanova and Nirvana and Orbital.

Music

Archie Bronson Outfit and TV On The Radio and Chicks on Speed and The Bloodhound Gang.

Music

The Unicorns and White Williams and Knight Phantom and Ariel Pink.

Music

Wolf Parade and SEIK and The Prodigy and Scissors for Lefty and Danny Breaks Goes to Scratchadelic Land.

Music

Robots in Disguise (only works if turned up) and Happy Mondays and Love is All and NHS.

Music

Jay Reatard and Nu-Matic and Octopus Project and Matt and Kim and Jed Fair & Yo La Tengo.

Music

Cansei De Ser Sexy and Thao & The Get Down Stay Down and Orbital and Ezra Furman and the Harpoons.

Music

Ungdomskulen and Oxford Collapse and Bloodhound Gang and Immaculate Machine.

Music

QBass ft Skeng Gee and Fujiya & Miyagi and Liars and Hutch & Kathy and Trans Am and Animal Collective.

Music

Tokyo Police Club and (some very dark) Nirvana and Adam Green and Clinic.

Reality television, and derivatives, are mostly crap because they attract attention whores and drama-enhancing producers.  It rarely documents.

I think I’m on safe ground saying shows about people with ugly and/or embarrassing medical conditions, are a modern freak-show.  Especially reality television that deals with disfigurement. Such programmes often have fuck-all to do with the people they purport to document – I’m not being callous – it’s just that disfigured people are cheaper than actors and the make-up is better.  Quite often they get paid peanuts in the process. The documenting comes second to the sights and sounds. But…

If people can be desensitised to disfigurement, is it a good thing for disfigured people?  If viewers become desensitised to disfigurement, in real-life they will stare less, and, maybe, be less afraid.  Which would be a good thing.  However, given the tenuous and complex links between violent television and violent behaviour, it’s probably difficult to say that desentisation will lead to better treatment of disfigured people.  In the same way that it can’t be said violent television is ever the primary factor contributing to violence. I don’t think freak-shows, aside from supplying an income to the performers, improved the lot of disfigured people.  Still, I’m an optimist, I hope that there are positive side-effects to the modern freak-show.

A seriously negative side-effect of this, could be that in order to maintain viewers, medical reality TV will perpetually search for more extreme medical conditions.   In order to maintain shock value.  Like soap operas adding an explosion or violence.  Reality TV will  have to go to poor countries to find people shocking enough. Poor people with extreme medical conditions, on our screen, for titillation. Which, if it generates awareness of medical conditions in poor countries, isn’t such a bad thing.  The next thing is people may empathise. Tourist destinations may be shamed into action.  But..

It could still just be about titillation. I don’t, for a second, think that the majority of medical reality television is made for any altruistic reason at all.  I don’t think it’s immoral and I’m not even sure it’s all that harmful, but I do think it amoral, in that it boils-down to viewing figures, and best commercial practice.   Change will be in response to a changing audience.  I hope people become so desensitised to disfigurement John Merrick could walk down the street naked and people would be more shocked by his penis than his elephantiasis. 

Music

Arcade Fire and Bluejuice and Automation and Future of the Left.

Music

Holy Fuck and Sons and Daughters and NRG and The Brunettes and Anat Ben-David.

It’s a sign of the fall of the West when people have time to sit in their underpants, and watch Fraggle Rock. The Wikipedia page is interesting and worth a read. Some Wikipedians know a great deal about Fraggle Rock. I find that amusing. Despite having read the page and remembered quite a bit.  Watch a whole episode here (p1, p2, p3).

That show used to give me nightmares.

Music

Times New Viking and The Noise of Art and The Cribs and Aphex Twin.

The video of the interview with ex-Scientologist and actor Jason Beghe is on the tubes. I’m finding it quite difficult to follow because a lot of the jargon is unfamiliar to me. But this segment is worth watching because by the end it has more occurences of the word fuck per minute than a Tarantino movie. It’s fascinating from the perspective of an insight into Scientology (albeit from a apostate’s perspective – but he’s still a primary source). I quite like Jason Beghe, and sort of recognise him from some US television shows, he’s a bit like Frank Costanza (example) but nicer and with more fucks. See here for the background to it.

Music

Boogie Times Tribe and Be Your Own Pet and The Levellers and ArthimotH.

Music

John Maus and Cindy Payne/Ricky Wilson/Mark Ronson and Kid606 and Steely Dan.

Music

D’Cruze and Born Ruffians and Ken Ishii and Adam Green and Thao and the Get Down Stay Down and QBASS.

Music

Kevin Tihista and Shapes and Sizes and Future of the Left and Ennio Morricone.

Tar Toast

The Whitest Kids U Know need to be shown on BBC-3, Channel 4 or E4.  Pronto:

Tar Toast part 1 and part 2.

See also some very black humour here.

Music

Octopus Project and Pink Reason and Jesus Jones and Handsome Furs and Spirit Level.

Music

Matt and Kim (live) and The Fiery Furnaces (live – the bass guitar is missing in the recording, but kicks in at the end) and Satin Storm and Sue and the Unicorn.

Music

Johnossi and These New Puritans (if this song is entirely serious it is even funnier) and GravenHurst and IamX.

Whitest Kids U Know on conspiracy theories and eating a burger through a straw.

Human Remains.

Tom Green getting horrendously drunk in the name of comedy and doing some kind of obscure dance.

Simon Amstell appropriately interviews people. A man that makes Never Mind The Buzzcocks bridge the gap between shit and and funny.

Music

The Raid and The Passionistas and Enter Shikari and John + Julie and Shock Therapy.

would mean that I would wake up earlier on Sundays.*

Following link.

* Realistically speaking, being honest with myself, I misspoke when I typed that.  I’d almost certainly record it on Sky Plus or download it.   Or watch the repeat.

Music

Captain Beefheart and Meat Beat Manifesto and The Cribs and Tom Vek.

There are qualities that exist in all great film-drama characters that are hard to pin down. It is too simplistic to say that the characters have depth or complexity because some great film characters aren’t complex and don’t have depth. An element may be that while a part of a narrative, at some point in the film, (or even all of it) a great character’s motivations are not obvious to the viewer. So elements of the character are open to interpretation and the character is interesting as a result. Another factor may be the freshness of a role. As defined by the script and/or director and/or acting skills. A memorable character – because they’re novel and a benchmark by which others will be judged. And, I suppose, the pathos or revulsion the character can elicit from an audience.

All in varying proportions. Of course. One day a twat will paid peanuts to put together a shoddy equation for the benefit of a cinema chain. Who’ll pump out press releases on the unsuspecting public like bukkake. Mopped up by the news.

Music

Fiery Furnaces and LTJ Bukem and Bobby Conn and The Sword.

Music

The Billionaires and M.A.N.I.C and The Faint and Midfield General.

Music

Phosphorescent and The Warlocks.

Music

Animal Collective (the recent leak) and Turzi and D-M-S.

I like this classic because it sets up the next sentence, thus saving me words.   This can’t be distinguished from parody.   FFS.

Music

Earlimart and Clinic and Winson and Bob Dylan*.

* yeah, so?

“What you doing mate?”  “A nature walk”

Music

Be Your Own Pet (note the “watch in higher quality link”, that’s new for Youtube, I think) and Mountain Goats and Signs of Chaos.

Never before has the mechanical action of the human heart been made to sound so wanky. Lol. Watch Hard ‘N Phirm here.

Music

Octopus Project and Fiery Furnaces and ddd.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/radio4_aod.shtml?radio4/lifestylenutritionists

It’s a fascinating history of lifestyle nutritionists – including funny fads that your great-great grandparents and grandparents may have known about.

You can comment to the host directly, not indirectly through forums or staff, but at his blog here.

Music

Damien and Matt and Kim and The Knife and The Foo Fighters

Eating hoops is the “most disgusting thing I’ve ever done for my boyfriend”.

See also: Farm of Fussy Eaters.

More here.

Music

Archie Bronson Outfit and Ezra Furman & the Harpoons (the person that shouts out yeah before the music starts was at every US concert I have ever been to or heard.  Inluding bootleg Doors) and SDS.

TPB

The way of the road.

Music

Bonzo Dog Do Dah Band and The Royal We and Infected Mushroom.

Music

Jim Noir and Fridge and Ragga Twins and Ragga Twins and Ragga Twins and British Sea Power.

An excellent documentary about Richard Feynman.

I have nicked this link from Ben Goldacre’s Bad Science blog.

Music

Beck and Tiga and Stereo Total.

Misc

Sartre. (Backup link)

The Junkies. (DQ)

RB Videos from LA.

Music

Bluejuice and Menomina and Fiery Furnaces and Moby.

Heh. Russell Brand can sing, a bit, contrary to conventional wisdom. Shame about the fan vid. It’s like watching a peacock fidget around shrubbery. Hopefully someone will rip the scene from a pirated DVD screener. See also this Trey Parker/Alfred Packer classic, along similar lines.

Music

Be Your Own Pet and Bomb the Bass and Jane’s Addiction and Cansei De Ser Sexy.

Music

Kahimi Kari and Secret Society of the Sonic Six and The Pussywarmers and Acen.

Music

Nico Vega and Deerhoof and Mouse on Mars and Adult and SubCulture(3).

Music

Machine Gun Fellatio and Fuck Buttons and Faith No More.

Music

Au Revoire Simone and Hanin Elias.

Music

Soulwax and Shogun and The Cooper Temple Clause.

Edited – first link removed due to having idiocy in their YouTube favourites.

Music

Celebration and Future Of The Left and Blapps Posse and Supercreep w/Ariel Pink.

Music

We Are Wolves and Robots in Disguise and Crooked ft. Aesop Rock.

Music

Junk Science and MGMT and Jeffrey Lewis and The Prodigy and DMS.

Music

QOTSA and Errors and Sonz of a lood da loop era.

Music

Caribou and Pacman and Rotten Sound.

Music

Tokyo Police Club and T.Raumschmiere.

Music

School of Language and The Cribs (uncensored) and Bobby Conn and Orbital.

Music

Future Clouds & Radar and The Tokey Tokes.

Music

TV on the Radio and Dragon Fly.

Music

Hadouken! and ddd.

Music

Drink Me and Devo.

Music

These New Puritans and Ben Folds Five and The Orb.

Music

The Old Romantic Killer Band and Digital Boy and Clinic.

Being Human

The new BBC drama/black comedy Being Human is about a vampire, a werewolf and a ghost. It could have been really shit. I think it was pretty good. There were a few rough edges but that’s expected of a first episode. I was shocked that it had quality writing because BBC 3 gave us Two Pints of Lager and A Packet of Crisps. Which is right down there with the Vicar of Dibley. If you’re in the UK and you want some entertainment go here, to the BBC’s YouTube like service they rushed out when they realised they’d fucked up with the Kontiki/Microsoft DRM client (BBC: work on Dirac more, produce DVDs worth buying for the extras, and drop the DRM. With decent extras they will still sell.):

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/page/item/b0090xff.shtml

If you’re not in the UK go find it on a tracker site. Buy the DVD (which won’t play unless you’ve got a multi-region DVD player) when it comes out, if you feel guilty. Which you shouldn’t. British License Fee payers have already paid for the episode. I’m a British License Fee payer and I don’t give a flying fuck.

A prediction, like Nostradamus, but not taking the piss in code: Being Human is likely to be bought as a concept for American television, or a me-too version. I reckon.

Music

Ariel Pink and YMO.

The New Pornographers and Holy Fuck. The new New Pornographers video is pretty cool. Maybe I’m easily impressed. I’m sure I recognise the style of the artwork but can’t work out who did it. I think it may be a comic book artist. It’s annoying the hell out of me that I can’t remember. If anyone knows drop me an email or comment. Cheers.

Edit:

Fuck you people, with your lives and shit, Google came up trumps:  fluorescent hill did the animation for the New Pornographers video.

Music

Matt and Kim (Flostrodamus) and KLF.

Music

The Bastard Fairies and Messiah.

Music

Body Snatch and Helio Sequence and Danzig.

Music

Ariel Pink and Sonz of A Loop Da Loop Era.

Very clever and an important message about belief.

Music

Clinic and Ariel Pink.

Music

The Young Knives (I’ve linked this a year or two ago, but for anyone familiar with a certain big eared monarch’s life it’s still funny.  Plus it is a version of the video you may not have seen) and Yo La Tenga (this is ironic, where I am at the moment is fucking cold – see spacer pictures from the last couple of days).

Fox News Is Shit.  From LNN.

Music

The Knife and Cop Shoot Cop and Queen (Rick Rubin remix).

Music

Times New Viking and Persons Unknown.

Music

They Shoot Horses Don’t They? and Ragga Twins.

Music

Detholz! and Hyper On Experience.

Music

Yo La Tengo and Scissors for Lefty.

Music

Gerling and Ike Reilly Assassination and Boys Noize and  Tender Forever.

Music

Winson and MM.

Some things are tasteful. The best lyrics of any song in the last few years that I can think-of off-hand, and I’m at a reasonably befuddled point of a Friday night, is Chris Michaels by The Fiery Furnaces. Today, between 5am and 6am, there is rumoured to be a mock special forces snatch raid, by former special forces soldiers, staged on the Big Brother House (see The Sun’s exclusive). Presumably for the Big Brother Celebrity Hijack show broadcast Sunday or Monday night. To kidnap and interrogate some of the contestants. With the cooperation of the programme makers. Too much realism would be a very bad thing indeed because it’s the sort of thing that unhinges some people. Being jumped by three or four tough guys, handled rough, tied up, and tossed in a transit van, can be quite jarring of a morning. I presume the contestants have been screened for obvious psychological problems. If they’re made to wear orange jumpsuits I will lol. I probably shouldn’t.

Music

Deerhoof and Love is All.

Music

Tiger Hifi and Heidi Mortenson and Blame.

“Salutem Punctis Trianguli”.  “Salutum Punctis Trianguli”.  They shake hands.  A strange exchange for strangers meeting in an East Grinstead tea house.  It is not a good day.  In emergencies Members of the affected  Houses are forced into furtive lunch meetings over pots of tea and scones, rather than, as such men expect, modest, but excellent, dinners.  Lunch is no time to put things in action. Too early.  Putting things in action can be stressful and is no aid to digestion.  Which is, contrary to what people may think, the reason for the month rule: On the night of the full moon a meeting is held with a representative from each House.  The timing of the month rule, of course, has ritual significance,  to baffle the squares,  but is, ultimately, a pragmatic choice; Members, the Few, need time to prepare. Eating should be pleasurable. 

D and C are taken to their table and seated.  D orders cream tea for two.  As the waitress walks away, D gets straight to the point, aggressively, “what’s the problem this time? ”.  Signification Members came to expect this.  Signification is the second youngest House. Its roots were in the late 18th Century, which often caused controversy among Members.   Signification’s lack of experience led to mistakes, and Members of the older Houses, such as D, had a certain prejudice towards Members of younger Houses.  C sniggered, “we have a Candidate, someone is talking and”, C paused for dramatic effect, “they’re on the internet”.  A commonplace problem.  D’s lip curled, he resented being awake at lunch, for something so mundane, “so deal with it.   It’s dull. I don’t see why you had to involve the other Houses”.

“D, look, I’m sorry for getting you up,  I wouldn’t do it without reason.   We believe the Candidate is a descendent of one of the Three”.   D nodded, “go on”.  “We think he, like the great Presbyter, is a descendent of the Persian Magi, as confirmed by his DNA profile -  it is thought they may be the result of our John’s flight to Albion in the 16th Century.”  Among Members, the triumph of the great Presbyter, is that of legend, because it is rumoured,  although nobody knows for sure, the Presbyter was responsible for the present form of the Houses. Some time in the 16th Century the Grand House was divided into magisteria, supported by Elizabeth, the first female Member, for The Golden Age – this is known – but exactly which Member was responsible for the reforms is lost to time, and an inadequate filing system.

Music

Wild Beasts and Anat Ben-David.

Thought for the day

If you don’t pay attention you can forget to put hyphen’s in people’s names.  Or get syphilis.  Among other things.  Like stubbing your toe, or answering the wrong question.  Or forget your dogs birthday.  Also, things like, one sock conundrums, forgotten birthdays, inappropriate humour in dire situations, hell, nice weather, the smell of water, six freshly plumped pillows, and all the stars in the sky.  This is a necessarily incomplete list for reasons of brevity. 

Manuals are often written with a lack of humour so acute they’re funny.  I’m not expecting “so … three men walked into a bar and … eleemosynary arse burp, bumped their head on it”  between paragraphs in a D80’s manual.  The tiger tank had a funny manual which was distinctly unfunny in context (1).  

What objects warrant manuals?   I think, much like many a wanky wankster, had they the balls,  that for every ontological entity there is a manual that is real or potentially real.  Manuals for everything.  The previous three word  sentence is same as the sum of the sentences that preceded it which is something I done-gone-did to make a point about semiology (2).

I am tired and typing, and typing when tired, is something you can read,  a great deal, on blogs. One day it will be up there with clichéd dialogues started with the phrase “bloody awful weather, how’s the wife?”.   Fuckers.  People in general, that is. If we didn’t procreate it’d be a pretty short-lived species.   We’ve not even reached the record of the trilobites (3).

Music

Tokyo Police Club and Anat Ben David and Fiery Furnaces.

Thought for the day

Don’t photo cranes or architecture that has reflective bits.  There is no point.  They are there already.

RAVING MAD? pt 1/3 Central Weekend Live 1993

Music

Trolleyvox and Correcto and Mu.

Music

The Bastard Fairies and Egyptian Empire.

Bloods and Crips history.

Music

Does It Offend You, Yeah? and Zoot Woman.  ‘Electro rock’ – let’s classify music. Why not?

Thought of the day

Big things, real things, rather than false precidents, are happening in China. 

Music

Gerling and Clearlake.

Imagine a world before science: a world of the supernatural - hunches dictating belief, of sun blotting fallacy.  For some seriously lolworthy quackery and pseudoscience watch hGosthunters in Ireland

Music

New Pornographers (updated with correct link) and Happy Mondays.

Thought of the day

Arseburgers.

Music

The Mae-Shi  and Bloodhound Gang.

Human all too human (Heidegger).  A cunt.  There are clever cunts don’t ya know.

Thought for the day

There is nothing vile about vagina.  Cunt is a deeply misogynistic word.  However it does have emotional impact.  If anyone has words with similar impact/utility that are less misogynistic please email me, I will use it instead.  I feel a bit of a cunt using it.

The Whitest Kids U Know.