When I’m in front of the modern day idiot (savant) box, reading the papers, I often have a YouTube video opened in another tab, playing music. While I appreciate the benefits of modern consumerism and globalisation leading to mutual dependence (touch wood*, a bit less war than usual), and wholeheartedly believe in advertising (you get adverts as good as the gits watching them), when a flash animated advert takes up 90% of CPU time it really fucks up music. I now associate certain brands with stuttering music. And newspapers.
You know who you are. In that regard, in my experience, The Guardian is less likely to have browser crippling adverts than other newspaper websites. I’m desperately trying to stretch this out. The this in question being: ‘slow flash adverts are annoying’. Everything you’ve read prior to that is irrelevant fluff. You’d think it’d be easy talking bollocks. It isn’t. You have to make a concious effort. I’ve steadily built up an admiration for Jeremy Clarkson. He could stretch slow flash adverts are annoying to at least three A4 pages.
Seriously, I’m just going to look around the room and start typing. German for orange juice is orangen saft. Can’t go much further with that. See. Clarkson’s a fucking genius at talking bollocks. He could get ten A4 pages talking about himself. A book even. Genius.
Fuck-a-diddly-dee.
I was about to post the above, but then thought, well, Jeremy Clarkson is an easy target. Kind of like standing naked in front of a mirror pointing at your knob and saying something akin to ‘knob lol’. It’s not (that) big and it’s not clever (damn you sentence order). Talking bollocks is an art. Not quite up there with Tacita Dean or (insert ironic, yet apt, choice here). They (Tacita Dean, ironic choice) don’t talk bollocks, they (insert relevant descriptions).
When I met (insert fluff namedrop here) last (insert date) we (tangential anecdote). (Clichéd witticism). (Serious point).
(Stupid fucking concluding paragraph that badly sums up those preceding it, followed by a product or media plug).
At least Jeremy Clarkson doesn’t do that. (Insert bit where I add that he’s still a twat).
* This is a phrase. It’s an appeal to a supernatural force that don’t exist. I am also, bad back bored belligerent, trolling.
Tags: banter, Jeremy Clarkson, Media
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